How do you stop wanting a man? Not a particular man, but one in general? Everyone keeps telling me it will come when I’m least expecting it. But that does me no good, because I’m constantly expecting it. So someone please tell me how to not expect it, because it’s driving me crazy. Every time I meet a new man I get uber excited and it crashes and burns. I make bad decisions. I’m too eager. I lose my cool. I need something else to wrap my thoughts around. It probably doesn’t help that I think I’m either shallow or picky. But I don’t really feel like I should have to settle for something I don’t want for the sake of having a man. I never want to look at my man and think maybe I could have done better for myself.
You’d think I would have stopped a long time ago, considering my Random Negro Stories, but no matter what I can’t stop wanting it. I think about it night and day. Thoughts of what it would be like to truly have someone love me and accept the love that I’m ready to give back. It’s consuming me. Help! No one so far has had the answer. Well maybe my local Congressman, but I haven’t talked to him yet. I’m having a hard time tracking him down since Congress is on recess.
I’ve tried doing other stuff to take my mind off it. Nope still there. It’s not even like I really have that much time on my hands. I have two jobs. I work six days a week. When I’m not working I’m either hanging out with friends or shopping. Sometimes both. I read, I write, and when I’m not being lazy I work out. I do my make up, make up cute outfits with accessories, only to wonder why cuz I don’t have any dates to wear them on. I watch DVDs while eating chicken and drinking wine. End up yelling at the TV about whatever no good man is in it or crying over why I can’t get one like the ones that got it right. I party, I dance, I drink only to end up hung over and sad that my bed is empty. I talk to my mom, my friends, my sisters, and hang up still feeling like I want a man. I guess it doesn’t matter where I am, or what I’m doing my mind always takes me there. So what am I to do? I get angry. I get frustrated. I get sad. I keep feeling like I’m never going to get my chance. But yet I’m still looking every chance I get. WTF is wrong with me?
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5 comments:
Girlfriend, they are CLONING men! I just went through your archives and I promise I have serial dated the NY twin of everyone who made your blog. I'm trying to get over some drive-by hit it and quit it intimacy as we speak.
you should start doing crack...lol or maybe you need to ack REALLY crazy, like slash tires and break windows crazy.
honestly I don't think I'm any help on this.
let me start by saying NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! honestly, i feel the same exact way. exactly. I just spent like half a day traveling to canada to hang out with family and the whole time, i could only think of if i'll ever have someone to take to a family function. I'm trying to be like "i love traveling, i'm so happy to be doing this, how can i capture this feeling..." but it all comes back to after that feeling, i want a man. you aren't the only one waiting for your chance. i know its no consolation. but honestly, if you find out how to stop thinking about it. let me know. i've been torn between wanting to stop thinking about it so that it comes, or to stop thinking about it so i'm not devastated if it doesn't. ugh...its all so frustrating.
oops...sorry for writing so much.
young woman, you really get me! let's form a club!
super dave, i don't know about that whole crack thing and i've never really been into destroying personal property...
ex dater, good luck in this crazy mixed up dating world
hi...i had to comment on this post because i go thru the same thing but the way you put it puts it in a new perspective for me.
i think that we have to train ourselves to stop thinking about men. they say it takes 30 dayz 2 break a habit so everytime we start thinking about a man... change our thoughts. try to catch ourselves as much as possible and after 30 days of changing our thoughts, maybe just maybe we'll stop thinking about a relationship long enough to attract a good one.
easier said than done definitely but i think it's worth a shot.
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