Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The No: BoyFriend Zone

Being the cool chick that I am has its drawbacks in the romance department. You’d think it’d be a cool advantage to have guys think you are neat and actually want to spend time with you outside of the bedroom right. Well yea it would be if any of them were emotionally available.

The latest, which we’ll call The Trainer, tells me that he just got out of a relationship this past January and that his ex hasn’t quite moved on yet. The end result, things are going nowhere fast with me. I told him I’d opt out, rather than wait for me to get caught up (which I most certainly would) rather than be peaced out later. But then I reneged on myself. I started to feel bad about going back to square one. Ok who am I fooling, I just don’t want to be alone. So I tried to go back and say that I still wanted to hang out. But he has a conscience and a heart, so he told me that he didn’t want to hurt me.

So even after a couple of weeks where I thought I was getting somewhere with this nice guy—we actually went on dates (outside of my house or his)—I’m back to where I was before we met because we are not on the same page with regard to any future for a relationship. So that’s that. Damn it! I’m so tired of meeting emotionally unavailable men. And lately, all the unemotionals have been resurfacing.

No Love In ’08 (he’s the one who told me over IM just before New Years that nothing was going to happen between us romantically in 2008) sent me a text at 1:48 a.m. Saturday night saying “hey cavema” It’s his nickname for me that spawned from one of our few dates at Uno’s where all I kept saying was “pizza good.” I was knocked out on my couch after a Big Mac and fries, popcorn, M&Ms and Milk Duds induced food coma, (yea I know that’s not on the plan, but disregard that for the moment) so I missed it. His emotional unavailability surfaced about a month after hanging out (read having sex and eating pizza) Lord only knows what he wanted. He has a habit of popping back up randomly, in the name of checking on me and wanting to make sure (side eye and smirk go here) I’m ok. I didn’t respond so I’m expecting a semi-hostile note the next time I hear from him about me “ignoring him.”

Dude I blogged about last time (who turned down my date invite to wash his hair), let’s call him Samson, left me a voice mail saying if I was over whatever it was that caused me to cut him out of my life then I should call him, because I’m cool peeps to hang around and he just wants friendship with no benefits with me. Really? HA!!! Apparently he misses my ‘cool’ friendship. I really don’t need any more friends. I’m fine with the ones I’ve got really.

Friendship and Fun (the one who gave me the card) found out about The Trainer and has been wanting to hang out with me lately. He wants to cook with me because “it would be fun” and “we both like to eat” and he “likes spending time with [me].” He doesn’t really want me. I wish he would just stop faking. But I guess it’s not really politically correct to say to someone, hey lemme sex you down and then we can eat afterwards…well unless you’re either married or mutually agree that that type of communication is ok between you to. I certainly have not given him that signal.

I don’t know why these types are attracted to me. Oh wait, it’s cuz I’m so cool, but still. Go disrupt someone else’s life. Maybe I should ask my local Congressman to get help more funding for relationship counseling. But really, people always say that the kind of people attracted to you tells you something about you. Maybe the sad truth is that no matter how much I really want to be in a relationship I’m really not ready for one, and that’s why I haven’t met the one that’s ready to be in a relationship with me. I guess it would be a waste to put all my emotional baggage on to someone that has already worked his out.

I mean if I think about it, I’ve been in this vicious cycle for ten years now. Girl meets guy. Girl likes guy. Girl loses guy. Girl cries. After a long talk with a very good friend, I realize that I play and am comfortable in the victim role. It’s always ‘Why is this happening to me?’ and not ‘What can I do to deal with this?’ That’s the much harder thing to do. I don’t know how to do that. But I guess if I’m going to ever at some point be a mentally healthy person then I better figure out how. So anyone with suggestions, books you’ve read or whatever, send me a line. This is my plea for help.