Random Negro Stories File: The Re-Holla

Dudes. I’m really going to need for you to keep up with who you try to holla at on the Internet and the stories you tell them because I’m real tired of being the victim of the re-holla. No not the kind where you holla I shoot you down and you try again. I’m talking about the kind where you holla I shoot you down and you try again—as if the you had never even tried to holla in the first place.

I realize that I change my weave quite often and that I have a somewhat changing face, but I don’t look that damn different. Still, all the information on my profiles on all the sites I’m on are the same. So READ before you holla—or try to re-holla.

Why am I on this soapbox today you ask? Well I’ve been writing this blog for a few weeks actually. (Sorry for the hiatus guys I’ve been stuck in this legislative nightmare I’m calling Bailout Watch 2008.) My initial entry was inspired by this dude that hit me with this note on Myspace:

Subject: Loving everything that you are...
Body: Hey Beautiful,

just trying to see how I can take you off of the single list...LOL I love your page and hope that maybe I can get to know you better. Maybe get to see that smile of yours up close.

How sweet. Not. Well it would have been cute, if only he hadn’t sent a similar message oh let’s say a year and a half ago. I still have his number from the first time he hit me up. I should have sent him a text saying hey just got your message on Myspace. That would have freaked him out. But I just sent him a note asking how this would be different from the last time that he tried to holla. I saw that he read the note, but declined to respond.

Foolishness!

But now I’m updating this because in the span of the three weeks or so that I’ve been writing this blog I’ve been the victim of a carbon copy reholla twice.

I signed up for this free online dating site (Thanks Young Woman) and I’m going through my messages and I recognize the pic from this dude that tried to holla at me on Myspace, in like early August. So I’m already irritated because dude, let’s call him AlphaMan, first invited me out to get drinks but when I declined because of a prior engagement he downgraded the next invitation to watching DVDs at his house, which I declined. I’ll stay off my soapbox for now about how that is not a date. So I’m like what does this bamma want?

So I click on the message and I start reading. I’ve copied and pasted it below for your reading pleasure:

smiles at her*
Sooooo.... how is your Tuesday coming along so far? As for me, my day is fairing along pretty swell. Now how I started it, is a good thing to me. *grinnin* Let's see, how should I put this? Let's just say my jump off started by getting up around 4:00 this morning to run my gruesome/challenging 3.00 miles in about 19 mins that's on the treadmill at between 9.0 & 9.5. But outside I may run it in about 22 mins.

*licks his tongue out at her* But you know what, I actually just returned back here to Maryland from a 3 month hiatus in Gulfport, Mississippi Had to go there from Iraq to demobilize from an 8 month tour of duty in Iraq. Now I'm finally back. Thank Jesus. YEEEEESSS....

Let's see what else can I share with you? Okay, my name is AlphaMan *as he extends his right hand out to shake hers* Currently I reside in the Metro DC arena (Cheverly, MD). I'm originally from Arkansas after completing college(University Of Arkansas At Pine Bluff) where I majored in Computer Science and currently work with a company in Virginia as a IT/Software Consultant. Out of college I completed a 5 years in Germany in the Army, got tired of it and got out.

Hmmm... what else, oh I love working out (as I've made known above right) *LHBO* I'm about 6'1 and 194 pounds. I mean don't get intimidated or scurd, just because I do all of this (FOR ME) doesn't mean you have to.*LOL* Just take care of yourself is all I ask. Meaning at least eat right sometimes and some have sort of workout regime. *smilin* Have I turned you off now? I'm not trying to, just being honest.

Okay, I'll stop here. I mean if nothing else I make a heckuva friend. *winks at her

Half way through the first paragraph I’m like wait not only is this bamma acting like I’m a brand new chick but he’s gonna use the same message exact he sent the first time to do it? Oh hell naw. Wait. Let me be clear and fair. It wasn’t the same exact message. AlphaMan had taken the time to customize the day in the introduction. How considerate.

So I wrote him back saying, “You know. I thought this was cute the first time you sent it to me on Myspace. But now I'm mad that I fell for your cut and paste antics.”

He writes back offering up this lame excuse:

Naaaaaaaaah..... it's not like that. I just remembered you and didn't want to re-type what I sent to you before. I only added that I just got back from Iraq about 8 days ago now. Was gone for 14 months. Go check the pics out on my page at www.blackpeoplemeet.com and my screen name is ******.

Call me please IF you don't mind. If not, I respect that.

I call bullshit. If you really remembered me you would have typed a long time to speak type message. Not an introduction all over again. And to add insult to injury you’re going to lie about your whereabouts? Oh you just got back from Iraq? So how is it that you were asking me out in August?

Noooooooo... I was sending you messages from Gulfport, Mississippi. Listen I have no reason to lie nor to explain myself. I hate the internet. I'm attempting to be honest with you. I will say this, we flew in from Iraq in May back here to the U.S We flew in to New Orleans Airport and was transported to the Naval Base in Gulfport where we were demobilizing from May til August.

Now take that and believe it or not. Your choice.

Take Care.

I declined to respond. Just when I thought I was through with this bamma, I log into my account today and get yet another message from this dude. I.Kid.You.Not. Here it is in its redundant glory:

*smiles at her & gives her a slight wink for her sexiness & Class*
*as he leans back into his chair, knowing he has Swaggah going on, to match her sexiness & class* *grinnin*

Sooooo.... how is your Wednesday *HUMPDAY) coming along thus far as they call it? *grinnin* Tell you what, my day is swinging along pretty. Let's see, how should I put this, well before I got my morning started I was up around 4:00 a.m this morning to run my gruesome/challenging 3.00 miles in about 19 mins that's on the treadmill at between 9.0 & 9.5. But outside I may run it in about 25 mins & then get to the gym to personal train my clients.

*licks his tongue out at her* But you know what, I actually just returned back here to Maryland from a 3 month hiatus in Gulfport, Mississippi Had to go there from Iraq to demobilize from an 8 month tour of duty in Iraq. Now I'm finally back. Thank Jesus. YEEEEESSS....

Let's see what else can I share with you? Okay, my name is AlphaMant. *as he extends his right hand out to shake hers* Currently I reside in the Metro DC arena (Cheverly, MD). I'm originally from Arkansas after completing college(University Of Arkansas At Pine Bluff) where I majored in Computer Science and currently work with a company in Virginia as a IT/Software Consultant. Out of college I completed a 5 years in Germany in the Army, got tired of it and got out.

Hmmm... what else, oh I love working out. I'm about 6'1 and 198 pounds. I mean don't get intimidated or scurd, just because I do all of this (FOR ME) doesn't mean you have to.*LOL* Just take care of yourself is all I ask. Meaning at least eat right sometimes and some have sort of workout regime. *smilin* Have I turned you off now? I'm not trying to, just being honest.

Okay, I'll stop here. I mean if nothing else I make a heckuva friend. *winks at her*

Your New Friend,
AlphaMan

I’m starting to take this personally. Am I so unmemorable that this dude actually thinks that I’m a new person, or is he just a geriatric (he’s 38 by the way) with a bad case of Alzheimer’s? Hopefully my local Congressman will vote for the mental health parity legislation that they are attaching to the Wall Street Bailout bill because typing the same message over and over again to different girls is one thing, but typing the same message over and over to one girl is a bit much. What in the frick!