Take ‘Em Back Tuesday: Find My Family

Last night I got sucked in to watching ABC’s Find My Family, because some damn Carrie Underwood Fox All-Star Holiday Special bumped Lie to Me off the line up. Ugh I need to get my local Congressman to sanction Fox for it’s poor scheduling decisions.

Anyway, Find My Family chronicles the reuniting of adopted children with their birth families. Now I'm not adopted, but I do have three “new” siblings I discovered a few years ago. The show got me to thinking about how I found my family, or should I say how my family found me.

Oddly enough the story starts out much like a Random Negro tale would—with a message on Myspace. I'm not sure if I ever told you guys this story, but it's interesting and is worth re-telling if I have.

So anyway, around July/August of 2007 I got a note from a dude commenting on my smile or something. We exchanged messages for about a week, even communicated by instant message, but never got to the phone call stage.

During that same time period I got a Myspace message from an older woman stating that I should contact her because she knew my mother and thought that we were related. I was confused as hell but wrote her back anyway. Turned out that she was my sister from my biodad. Now, let me be clear here: I've had zero contact with my bio dad post any age that I could actually remember having a biodad. All of this was a complete shock. She told me I had two other sisters as well—one older than her (who she shares the same mother with) and one younger than me (who has a different mom).

We (myself and the two older ones living in the area) agreed to meet up at a restaurant and while there they dropped a bomb on me. The dude that contacted me just a few days before they wrote me is their BROTHER. Yes, they used him as bait to be sure that I was checking my Myspace account. My mouth literally dropped open. I couldn’t believe it. I felt weird after that thinking about the convos that we had. I don't recall them being sexual or anything but they were definitely flirty. Ewww flirting with my half-sisters' brother. I eventually ended up meeting him at a family gathering they invited me to and it was just weird. They didn't have to trick me like that. That was foul.

Take ‘em Back Tuesdays: Recycled Professions of "Love"

Hey y'all! I bet you thought I had all but abandoned Take 'em Back Tuesdays huh. Well I won't promise any regular posts for this series, but it's Tuesday and I feel like the dust has settled enough on this situation to share.

So remember that love poem I got from Friendship and Fun?

Here's an excerpt for those who don't feel like clicking back.

ending one love
one warm hug
one prayer full of...
a solicitation for the emancipation
of the dreams you have on reservation
I wish God upon you
You've been patient
Today's the end of your waiting
Arise and be who you were created to be
Let's begin your celebration

Well in the most random of ways I found out two things: a. I wasn't the only one he sent the poem to and b. he was dating a mutual acquaintance as he was popping in and out of my life.

So here's what happened. The mutual acquaintance is an Innanet friend that recently moved to the area. In an attempt to widen my social circle I suggest that we hang out. So we exchange numbers to chat and figure out what to do and when and of course the subject of menz comes up. So she starts telling me about how she really wants to hang out in the city to see some chocolate eye candy because the pickins are slim in the area she's in--but that she's not really trying to date because she's quasi still in love with her last bf. So I'm like girl I understand completely and she starts telling me about the guy. No real details, just situations they went through.

She off-handedly mentions this poem he sent her--via IM-- and for some reason *women's intuition I suppose* it clicks that she's talking about the same poem I got from Friendship and Fun. Well I'll be damned. Her ex-bf and Friendship and Fun are one in the same! Hmm..now I wonder if that random ass candle he gave me the day he cleaned up my house belonged to her first?

I mean I knew that we all knew each other from a common Internet stomping ground, but I'd dismissed any thought that he'd actually poach two folk from the same spot. Foul. I didn't mention anything to her on the phone because I was mulling over what good would come from it, but after consultation with a few friends and listening to my conscious, I decided I had to tell her. I mean I'd want someone to tell me that a guy that I was quasi still in love with was foul. You know so I could really get over him.

So the next day I send her an email with the poem and explain that I had a feeling that we had been talking to the same dude. She IM's me and she's obviously livid--though not at me. Thank God for small victories! She confirms that it is the same poem AND dude. We compare time lines and discover that he started talking to us at the same time. I got out quicker than she did because I realized sooner that he wasn't serious about me.

*Shaking my head* I want restitution for all that gas money I spent driving all over the damn place to see him. Hmmm, I wonder if I can get my local Congressman to help me set that in motion.

But back to my original point, based on the way she described their relationship he was all in it--well as much as a cheat can be--with her. I was just the play thing on the side. She said she hoped I didn't mind that she busted him out over the situation. I said do you. I'd long put him behind me.

She later tells me that he admitted talking to us at the same time. The sad part is she said early on she asked him if he had anything going on with me and he lied and said no. She said he said he didn't know why he lied about me, but that he was sincere in all the things that he told her about their relationship. For some reason I believe him. But oh well.

Weekend In Review/Take ‘em Back Tuesday

Hey guys. Weekend-in-Review, the abridged version.

I spent a lot of time with The Bison. Friday we went to dinner and to see SAW V. It was aight, but we were both confused so when we got out of the movie we went to Blockbuster and picked up SAW IV to watch at my house. We didn't end up watching the movie but not for reasons you'd think. We got into a mini argument when he made two stops at 7-Eleven. I got mad that he stopped to get condoms because I figured it meant he was going to down that wayward path of trying to get some and bounce. He was like I don't know how many ways I can tell you that I'm not these other dudes you were messing with before me. Fair enough. We kissed and made up and I let it go. But he still ain't get no nooky. At least not that day. LOL.

Saturday was work at the part time. I was supposed to go to a party, but after getting my Halloween costume and roaming around Target for randomness I just decided against it. Sidebar: I love how Halloween is license to, as Kayellejaye put it, "slut it up guilt free." We should get more of those holidays. I'll consult my local Congressman.

I thought The Bison was gonna come back over and chill with me, but he didn't and I was too tired to protest.

Sunday I ran some errands and then The Bison came over and we finally got around to watching SAW IV, which I thought was better than the new movie out.

On to the Take 'em Back Tuesday, which this week will serves as a public service announcement and thus is dedicated to all the men out there who want to approach me when they’re hanging out one on one with a woman. Please don’t do it. If you want to meet me, or any woman for that matter, go out with your boys or alone. I don’t care if she is your friend, sister, cousin, brother’s wife, brother’s baby mama, god-sister, auntie’s co-worker from her part time job, it’s just not a good idea.

Learn from this situation. Back in June out of boredom I went to a lounge solo. I’d heard it was a nice lil spot for a Friday night and it was free so I said why not. I got there kinda early (to take advantage of the free admission) and as I expected no one was really in the spot. There were about 12 people in the spot: myself, a group of girls that were either celebrating a birthday or just out for happy hour and the staff. But like I said it was mad early so I expected that. The DJ was banging, played some 90s R&B that I hadn’t heard in a while, so I decided to wait it out.

Around 11 a few more people started trickling in. First another group of girls, then a dude who was rolling solo, and finally a guy and a girl. I was sitting off from the bar. I didn’t really feel like drinking and I had to drive anyway. So I was chilling. I bopped to the music some more, people watched and then I noticed that the dude that had come in with the girl, lets call him Dunkin’ Donuts--because he should have backed back from a few of em--was all eyeing me up. He was about 5’10, 250, wore glasses and had a somewhat receding hairline. None of which sparked any interest on my part. Anyway I thought to myself, how disrespectful. I would hate to be with a guy who has a wandering eye, and he was so not being slick about it.

I start texting so pass more time as I wait for people to come. Next thing I know Dunkin’ Donuts had swooped down from the bar, has abandoned his company, and is now by my side. Like I said earlier Dunkin' Donuts is not exactly my cup of tea, but I’m always nice so I answered all his questions with a smile but tried to not appear interested. After telling me that he’s about ten years my senior (35) and that chick he was there celebrating his sister's birthday he retreats to the bar.

I go outside to take a phone call, and when I come back in Dunkin' Donuts is motioning me over to the bar. I'm all confused--like what this Negro want. I go over and he's like oh I wanted to introduce you to my sister. *RECORD SCRATCH* Yes. What in the ham sandwich? So I look over to the sister, and say hi how are you doing. She says hi and is not friendly. But hey I guess I wouldn't be that friendly either if I was celebrating my birthday alone with my damn brother. But that's an entirely different blog.

The whole thing was so uncomfortable and brings me back to my original point. Do not try and holla when you are out with another woman.